Should We Even Have Goals? Seven Lessons Learned From Achieving My Biggest Dreams
January 2024 marks ten years that I’ve been in business. It was in Spring 2014 that I finished my coaching certification, launched my first group coaching program for women, expanded my yoga teaching business and began seeing clients one on one.
In my coaching school we were asked to identify our five “Big Rocks” that we would want to accomplish in this life. Big rocks are the things we know we want to experience before we die, those big meaningful life moments that we’d like to call in.
The idea was, if we could prioritize our “Big Rocks” and put them in a jar, symbolizing our life - then all the “to-do’s” or little pebbles and sand of life would be able to fit in around the edges of those big rocks. If instead we never clarify what our big rocks are, life will probably be filled up by the little sand and pebbles (doing the laundry, answering emails and doing the dishes) and we may never be able to fit in those big rocks into our jar of life.
So I sat down, reflected and meditated on what my 5 big rocks would be in this life.
Here’s what I wrote:
Write and publish a book
Lead an international retreat
Marry my beloved and plan a beautiful ceremony
Experience giving birth and having a child
Experience owning a home
I do feel proud to say that on the exact same month, ten years after writing this list, those goals were all fulfilled.
I prioritized writing and publishing my book first and foremost as I had already started writing it, and the serendipity of meeting a woman on a retreat who was about to publish her first book - connected me to the editor and publisher, She Writes Press, that I went on to work with. Just Be was published in August 2017.
I led my first international retreat in Bali in 2016, and my second in Italy in 2018.
My beloved and I planned our wedding and were married in September of 2018.
I gave birth to my daughter at home in Boulder, CO in Spring of 2022.
My family and I moved to the first home we now own just two weeks ago. (!)
It took ten years almost to the day for all of these goals to come to fruition. Which reminds of a quote I once heard Tony Robbins speak, “People usually overestimate what we can do in one year and underestimate what they can do in ten.”
But I must add: NONE of these goals turned out the way I thought they would look.
What I’ve discovered is that being in the mission of achieving these goals, most definitely brought me quite challenging life lessons I needed to learn in order to grow.
Sometimes that’s the only point of having a goal - to grow.
Because so often when a goal is achieved, it usually feels good for a little while, until we realize it’s like everything else in life - both good and difficult in different ways.
It got me thinking about goals in general, as right now I don’t have any desire to write new goals or resolutions like so many are doing at the start of the year. I simply want some time to live in the moment, breathe, spend time with my daughter, be in appreciation, focus on improving my health, and helping others as much as I can.
So here’s what I’m learning about goals after achieving some of my biggest dreams over the last ten years:
Achieving a goal does not equal happiness
Like I mentioned before, there’s often a fleeting happiness that comes when we achieve a goal, followed by a slump, remembering we still are who we are. Sometimes we think achieving a goal will lead to happiness “If only I was married I’d be happy, if only I had a bigger house, or lived in a different place, then I’d be happy” but it’s often not true. Happiness is more of a state of being, an attitude about life that I find comes much more from spiritual progress, being able to face challenge and hardship with equanimity, and finding something to live for, a deeper meaning to why we have incarnated at this time, and how we want to show up to be of service to others.
2. Achieving a goal is often uncomfortable and invites us to step way outside of our comfort zone
There was an incredible amount of vulnerability I navigated sharing the stories of my book with so many people. There was even more vulnerability launching a kickstarter campaign that raised $10,000 and got the word out to share this dream with the world. I also felt super vulnerable after having a big wedding, leading a retreat, giving birth and buying a house… Fear is going to be present anytime we are stepping outside of our comfort zone, and setting a goal is a pretty sure way to invite that. Now, navigating vulnerability and fear is not a bad thing, it’s a wonderful opportunity to grow, but it can be unsettling for our nervous systems and if we were expecting a goal to make us feel amazing, it might actually do the opposite, at least in the short term. Being realistic about this and finding ways to come back to balance after a big expansion is a good idea!
3. A goal leads us to our growth, whether or not we achieve that goal
There were so many lessons I learned by setting these goals. I became a better writer, I grew exponentially and expanded my compassion through my relationship, and becoming a mother. I learned so much about financial accounting, taxes, interest rates, and loans through the journey of buying a house, and the same goes for leading a retreat. I believe our desires and goals are often "soul callings" - a direction for us to head in to lead us to our highest growth, whether or not we end up achieving the goal. Often the lessons learned are much more valuable than whether or not we made the outcome we were wanting.
4. Achieving a goal is not always going to look the way we thought it would
None of the goals I achieved turned out the way I thought they would! I had a completely different title and cover for my book when I set out to publish it. Leading an international retreat was a ton of work, many months of marketing and so many details to tend to, as well as a lot to hold by myself in a country that was unfamiliar to me, I left feeling depleted! Early motherhood and living through the reality of sleep deprivation, having zero time and the high costs of childcare were also pretty unexpected. The city and neighborhood where we chose to buy a house as well as the look and feel of the home were completely different than what I imagined when I first set this goal. If we can be flexible with our goals, and not become attached to the outcome, and what it needs to look like, we will be much better off and be able to enjoy the journey.
5. There will be times in life where we have goals and times in life where we don’t
Sometimes having a goal is just what I need to call upon my inner strength and motivation, and sometimes what I need is to let go of having goals altogether and just be in the present moment.
Neither is better than the other, they are just different phases of life, times when we need a different energy to grow. Something I love about the Priestess program I lead is that so much of the program is about embodiment, surrender, and being, rather than making life look any certain way or have any certain outcome. And on the other hand, sometimes I work with clients who have a very specific goal (maybe it’s to get out of debt, or publish a book, or heal their relationship to a specific person). I trust that those are just as important for what their soul is needing to grow.
6. Timelines are always shifting, and our goals may change before we achieve them
Our interests, desires, and passions may change as well, so we don’t have to be “married” to our goals. It’s good to be loose and open around them and allow room for change if we realize we want to go in a different direction. I believe every choice we make in life opens a multitude of new possibilities for the direction of our life, and there may be something we are not able to see right now, until we take the next step that is in front of us.
7. Patience and letting go is often key in achieving a goal
It was a huge and necessary part of becoming a mother for me (My husband was not sure he wanted children, even when we decided to marry). We decided to marry after being together for five years, and there was a lot of growth and letting go needed before the potential of a wedding became a reality. I also tried and let go for many years to buy a house until we reached a level of maturity and "ripeness" when we finally knew where we wanted to be and it felt like there was wind at our back to make it all happen.
So where are you at in your life? Is it a time of setting goals and growing to reach them? Or is it a time of letting it all go and loving your life just the way it is?
Feel free to leave a comment below!
With love,
Meredith
P.S. If you feel called to work with a coach this year, to have a loving guide, witness & mentor to work with as you explore your deepest growth and soul callings, I am opening two spaces for 1:1 clients this year in my 6 month 1-1 feminine leadership coaching program. Right now I’m offering programs that range in price from $350-500 per month.
