How I Married *Myself*

Last month on my birthday in Costa Rica I found myself alone in the ocean performing a ritual of marriage, to myself.  

I had just received a glorious massage and was feeling strong and embodied.  I followed my intuition to submerge myself in the water, and found myself calling in the four directions as my witness, then speaking my vows out loud.  

As soon as I finished speaking, a huge wave washed over me, and it was done.

In the days leading up to this experience, I wrote a blog post for Over the Moon Mag about "How to Marry Yourself," and was happy to have it published last month.   I invite you to check out the article and learn more about my experience below:
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A few weeks ago, my boyfriend woke up from a dream where he was at his own wedding.  I excitedly listened to him recount the details, wondering if I was going to be in it.  “What did my dress look like? Were we on a beach? A church? In a field?” I wondered.

My daydreams were cut short when he said, “There was no bride. I was there, my family was there, but there was no bride.”

I looked at him, disappointed.

He continued, “Then I looked to the priest and I realized I was the priest. I was the groom AND the priest. I was literally, ‘marrying myself.’”

I’ve heard of self-marriage before but had never felt the call to do it myself. But after hearing this dream from my partner, I began to wonder about my own dreams of marriage.

I realized I had placed a lot of energy on waiting for that “perfect magical moment” when my boyfriend would propose to me and all of my problems would disappear. 

I realized I had placed a lot on the idea of marriage, subconsciously carrying the beliefs:

“When I’m married, then I’ll feel safe.”

“When I’m married, then I’ll be able to take bigger risks.”

“When I’m married, then I’ll feel more complete, knowing I’ve lived out this childhood dream.”

But here I found myself writing this article on the beaches of Costa Rica, a few days before my birthday, where I took myself on a self-love adventure.

I thought to myself, “If I can leave the country and treat myself to this kind of trip, why not marry myself too?”

I realized that even if I do get married one day, wouldn’t it be a good idea if my partner and I had already established a firm commitment first to ourselves?

So I sat down and wrote out my vows. 

I found a ring and created a simple ritual to perform on my birthday. 

The whole process came quite intuitively to me, so I thought I’d share the steps I used in case you feel the call to marry yourself as well…

1.  Write your Vows

Take some time to free write about what commitments you want to make to yourself.  They can be broad or specific.  I chose to keep mine very simple as I wanted to remember them easily and reference them often.  They looked a little something like this:

I vow to honor, love and value you.

I vow to help you feel safe, secure and provided for.

I vow to take care of your body with delicious, home cooked meals.

I vow to give you space to rest and play.

I vow to hold you by the hand to face your fears and encourage you every step of the way.

I vow to be present with you and to listen deeply to your needs.

I vow to live in gratitude for all you are and all you bring to my life.

I vow to love you unconditionally and hold space for your emotions.

I vow to experience the beauty and magic of life by your side.

2.  Adorn Yourself

In some cultures, adornment is seen as a spiritual practice.  I know when I take the time to beautify myself, to put on a new outfit, a little tinted lipgloss and a piece of jewelry I save for special occasions, I feel a deep sense of beauty on the inside as well as the outside. The key here is to FEEL beautiful.  Ask yourself what would that entail…

You can also think about if you want to have a special ring or piece of jewelry to symbolize your vows to yourself.  Maybe you bring new meaning to a piece you already have, or find something new to adorn yourself with.  Then whenever you look at it, you can remember the vows you promised to uphold. 

3.  Create a Ritual

Think about what kind of setting you want to be in when you share your vows.  Do you want to be alone?  Or with people who love and support you?   Do you want to be in nature?  Or in another location with special meaning? 

When you find just the right setting, take a few moments to center in.  Close your eyes and feel your breath.  Take a few moments to call in the directions, or any teachers, guides or angels you feel connected to.  If this is all new to you, you may like to call upon the support of a priestess to officiate the ceremony. 

Then, when it’s time, read your vows out loud.  You may feel more comfortable doing this alone, or in a circle of other women to be seen.  Listen to your intuition.

When you’re done, celebrate, and remember you don’t need anyone or anything outside of yourself to be whole.  It’s all already there.  Sometimes all it takes is a little intention and ritual to remember the love you already have inside.

I’d love to hear if you decide to create your own ceremony, so feel free to let me know how it goes in the comments.  <3