My Journey with the Dark Goddess

Blessings to you on this Scorpio New Moon!

This is a time to honor the depths of our emotions, to go far into the dark places, crawling low to the ground like the Scorpion, seeing our challenges with a higher perspective like the Eagle, and allowing new life to emerge from the ashes like the Phoenix.

With the recent holiday of Samhain and the days getting shorter, it's also a time to acknowledge and honor the dark side of the feminine, the Dark Goddess.

The Dark Goddess is embodied in many forms - Kali Ma, the Wild Woman, the Crone, Hecate, Pele... to name a few.

Up until one year ago I was pretty afraid and cautious when it came to the Dark Goddess.

My friend would sometimes sing songs to Kali and I would always think, "Be careful what you ask for!!"and I would choose not to sing with her.

Sure enough over the next month after she was singing those songs I watched as her life began to dismantle - first it was the job, then the boyfriend, then the home. All falling apart within a matter of days.

And yet, as I saw it happening from the outside, I knew it was for the highest good.

I knew those things were no longer serving her, and it was in her willingness to let the Dark Goddess into her life that they were able to burn away.

Within days of her life dismantling, new opportunities emerged from the darkness: she was offered a dream job position where she could work remotely and was able to spend the winter traveling to beautiful, tropical faraway places.

As I watched this happen, and saw how her life came into deeper and deeper alignment with her truth, I began to see at her core, the Dark Goddess was truly just another aspect of Love.

Yes she is fierce. Yes she may catalyze pain. Yes she may cut away the things that make us feel safe and comfortable.

But it is only for the highest good. It is only to help us ascend and evolve into deeper levels of alignment with our truth.

It was then I chose to stop holding the Dark Goddess at arms length. For the first time in my life, I let her in.

When the fires in Sonoma County happened, I participated in a ritual where I crossed a threshold and consciously chose to let whatever was out of alignment in my life to burn away.

Knowing I could risk giving up my relationship, my home, my work - all the things that made me feel safe. I was willing to offer it all up to come into deeper alignment with my truth.

In the next month I decided to go off all social media, and I even shut down my website while I allowed myself time to be born anew.

I went to India for a month by myself during this time, attended a week-long Kali Ma yoga retreat, and woke up before 5 am everyday to sing in the Kali temple.

What ensued was not pretty - I got sick, had a terrible sore throat, was having old memories come up where I didn't honor my boundaries, and on top of that I was assigned seva to work at the ashram's garbage and recycling center.

I was literally and figuratively knee deep in trash.

I had just finished a training to become an EFT practitioner - and found myself tapping in the corner of the temple most mornings while I cleared old memories and past hurts that were rising to the surface.

And something else happened while I was there - I started feeling my rage.

Rage for the times I didn't honor my boundaries, rage for seeing all the trash we were creating in the west and how we were hurting our Mother Earth, rage for the sickness and sore throats I was continually having.

I began expressing that rage in healthy ways. I remember having one night where I sat fuming in front of the Kali Ma statue in her temple breathing heavily, allowing the intense sensations to overtake me.

I went up to my room, made sounds, yelled, let the wild woman fully inhabit my body. I felt the intense power of the Dark Goddess move through me.

And as the new year dawned, my health improved, and I began feeling more settled. I attended a women's circle on my last day at the ashram, and what I experienced there was pure bliss.

The sweetest, softest, most inviting and loving space.

I left that circle euphoric, and realized, because I was holding Kali Ma at arm's distance, I was not able to fully experience to softer side of the Divine Feminine. The sweetness. The love. As soon as I let in her fierceness, I also let in the most nurturing qualities of the feminine into my life.

I learned that life really is this constant dance of duality, and when we fully invite in our pain, our discomfort, our willingness to go into the shadows, we also invite the sweetest, most pure forms of love.

The Dark Goddess is here to help us. To love us. And if we are willing to let her in, there are so many gifts she will grant us:

The Dark Goddess helped me set strong boundaries, stand up for what I believe in, say yes to my power, release my shame, shine my light brighter, and helped me let go of caring what other people were thinking of me.

These are just a few of the gifts the Dark Goddess can give to us when we let her into our life.

If you are in the depths of your own transformation (and transformation is usually not easy or pretty), know that this is all part of it, a powerful cycle, leading you to a new emergence. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

When you allow it all to fall apart, to let the pain or the grief overtake you, to go into the depths of your shadow, to give light to your shame, you allow space for something new to emerge. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

This week ~ give yourself permission to rest, to feel, to welcome the Dark Goddess into your being, to set new boundaries, to allow discomfort to be OK, to look into the shadows and from that place to see what new life wants to emerge. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

Tonight I'll be gathering with the sisters in my program The Sovereign Circle to work with the energy of this Scorpio New moon and the Dark Goddess.

I'm excited to be finalizing new dates for the next round of The Sovereign Circle on the calendar -- we'll be beginning in February 2019. This is a 9-month feminine leadership initiation & high priestess sisterhood that is a true joy of mine to guide.

If you're interested in learning more, join the waitlist here. I'll be announcing new dates + guest teachers soon. I also hope you enjoy our latest podcast below...

Warmly,

Meredith